Vader’s herbal spin cycle

The launderette hummed ominously as humid heat drifted through grist and floral drawer liners, the air sharp with carbolic soap and breakfast cereal. Then the dark side stirred. Creamy mint sweets whirled into butterscotch lasered with oregano, before we washed down margherita pizza with margarita cocktails, chamomile and herbs swirling in its wake. Water pulled the scene into the undergrowth, as nettles, lemon verbena and rosemary smoked on a barbecue. In an old and dirty coal scuttle, Darth Vader then cooked up a chilli, throwing in fistfuls of thyme, more oregano and liquorice-flavoured coal tar, before serving it up on a bed of parsnips and burnt puff pastry.